Hey Life aint so bad right now.
Can I please place another order? I want no conflicts, quiet time to myself, at least eight full hours of sleep a night, clear skin, no pain, both physically and mentally...oh, and no expectations placed on me. ?
Wait, I have to pay for all that? Why can't I just have it, why cant you just give it to me? I just ordered it!
Damn it! I thought this was take out, TAKE out! There is no give in take!!
I am really lucky. It seems to take a few catastrophes and bumps, maybe a few big road blocks, for me to see how good I really have it. Life is good, it really aint so bad. (I realize that aint is not a word, I like it though, and i am gonna use it.)
my dream
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Something Between Us.
There is something between us. Something I feel.
There is something between us, we can not move forward or go backward.
The something between us was not there and now it is, it will not move.
There is something broken now, and it can not be mended.
How did we get here, how did this happen.
I thought we were strong, I thought we could not be broken.
The bond was so strong , or so i believed.
There is something between us that can not be fixed.
There is something between us. Something I feel.
There is something between us, we can not move forward or go backward.
The something between us was not there and now it is, it will not move.
There is something broken now, and it can not be mended.
How did we get here, how did this happen.
I thought we were strong, I thought we could not be broken.
The bond was so strong , or so i believed.
There is something between us that can not be fixed.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Gifts, recognised, thank you!
Today is the first day that I have felt like I have the time to sit and think, much less, write.
I woke up early this morning, about 4:15. My alarm does not go off until 5:45 am, giving me time to make a pot of coffee and organize my thoughts, the best i can, before getting the kids up at 6:00 am.
So, I got up, started the coffee and quiet as a mouse, my youngest peers around the corner of the cabinet in the kitchen. "Hi mom." comes a quiet little voice. "Good morning Honey", I reply, "it is very early for you to be up." She doesn't care how early it is, she just wants to be up with Mom and have Mom all to herself. :)
I grabbed my cup, pored my self some coffee, added my usual blend of cream and way too much sugar and headed for the front door. As I was walking to the front door, I started asking for some calm in my life this morning; some guidance towards what I need to do and how I need to do it, to bring some serenity to my life. My life right now is filled with term oil and I feel like I can't shake the anxiety....even with medication, it has a grip on me. As I reach the front door, I realized that I had just been begging God for help. Where is my higher power? Why am I dealing with this crap all alone? My horses are not even consoling me these last few weeks. I need some help!
I open the door, quiet hits me in the face, like a soft, cool breeze.........right in front of me stands two deer. A Doe and her fawn. They are quietly and peacefully eating the leaves off the half dried wildflowers in my garden (weed garden, to be honest). It was the most beautiful and calming picture. I quickly said "Thank you. " and sat quietly down to drink my coffee.
I do believe that I ask all of the time, for guidance, for help, and I never feel like I receive it. But I am starting to realize that it has always been there, but that I had allowed my pain, anger and anxiety to consume me, and shut the door on any chance of recognizing the gifts that my higher power offered to me when i asked for it. He, ( it, her...whatever you may feel comfortable calling the higher power) gives me the gift of intuition, and his grace, every time I have asked, I just get in the way of seeing it. I look for concrete proofs, and that just is not how they are given. I have to remember that it is a feeling, deep inside the heart. It is not a medal sign that appears in front of me, instead, it is subtle small gifts, like the deer eating peacefully at my door as I walk out to watch the sun rise. And that is the way I feel it!
I woke up early this morning, about 4:15. My alarm does not go off until 5:45 am, giving me time to make a pot of coffee and organize my thoughts, the best i can, before getting the kids up at 6:00 am.
So, I got up, started the coffee and quiet as a mouse, my youngest peers around the corner of the cabinet in the kitchen. "Hi mom." comes a quiet little voice. "Good morning Honey", I reply, "it is very early for you to be up." She doesn't care how early it is, she just wants to be up with Mom and have Mom all to herself. :)
I grabbed my cup, pored my self some coffee, added my usual blend of cream and way too much sugar and headed for the front door. As I was walking to the front door, I started asking for some calm in my life this morning; some guidance towards what I need to do and how I need to do it, to bring some serenity to my life. My life right now is filled with term oil and I feel like I can't shake the anxiety....even with medication, it has a grip on me. As I reach the front door, I realized that I had just been begging God for help. Where is my higher power? Why am I dealing with this crap all alone? My horses are not even consoling me these last few weeks. I need some help!
I open the door, quiet hits me in the face, like a soft, cool breeze.........right in front of me stands two deer. A Doe and her fawn. They are quietly and peacefully eating the leaves off the half dried wildflowers in my garden (weed garden, to be honest). It was the most beautiful and calming picture. I quickly said "Thank you. " and sat quietly down to drink my coffee.
I do believe that I ask all of the time, for guidance, for help, and I never feel like I receive it. But I am starting to realize that it has always been there, but that I had allowed my pain, anger and anxiety to consume me, and shut the door on any chance of recognizing the gifts that my higher power offered to me when i asked for it. He, ( it, her...whatever you may feel comfortable calling the higher power) gives me the gift of intuition, and his grace, every time I have asked, I just get in the way of seeing it. I look for concrete proofs, and that just is not how they are given. I have to remember that it is a feeling, deep inside the heart. It is not a medal sign that appears in front of me, instead, it is subtle small gifts, like the deer eating peacefully at my door as I walk out to watch the sun rise. And that is the way I feel it!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Blogging, school (on-line) , life, etc. etc...............geesh!
I AM TIRED. I am confused, I am being mellow dramatic, I feel ignored, thworthed,(SP?) and somewhat left behind.
I found myself this morning, thinking about my Mother, which is nothing new, she was always the one who kept me focused. even when she was not physically there. I was feeling like I needed to talk with some one. I was going through a mental list of confidants, in my head of who I could share my latest angst with. My husband was not one, because he just spent the last week with me and I am sure he got his months worth of my rants and raves. He is always a great sport about listening and allowing me my time to revel in my despair, but I am careful to not over burden him with my own baggage as he carries his own and rarely puts it down to breath. So there I was, thinking to myself, "I will talk to Mom about this, oh wait! I can not! She died almost eight years ago!" Oh woe is me, more crap to add to my own despair.
So, there I sit, no body to talk to. Wait!! I can blog and dump it all out there for the world to see, to smell, to touch and get all dirty with my garbage. awh, handing it off to the rest of mankind to revel in.Yes! that is what i will do, but first i have to sort the laundry, clean the kitchen, take the kids to the park, and go pick up my medication. By then, i will not need to blog and you all will be left hanging there, wondering..............
Gee, that is not very nice. I will have to think of something...........hmnmmm, I am sure I can conjur up some thing mellow dramatic and colorful to blog about, maybe it will be real AND then, maybe it won't. ;)
That is all.........for now.
I found myself this morning, thinking about my Mother, which is nothing new, she was always the one who kept me focused. even when she was not physically there. I was feeling like I needed to talk with some one. I was going through a mental list of confidants, in my head of who I could share my latest angst with. My husband was not one, because he just spent the last week with me and I am sure he got his months worth of my rants and raves. He is always a great sport about listening and allowing me my time to revel in my despair, but I am careful to not over burden him with my own baggage as he carries his own and rarely puts it down to breath. So there I was, thinking to myself, "I will talk to Mom about this, oh wait! I can not! She died almost eight years ago!" Oh woe is me, more crap to add to my own despair.
So, there I sit, no body to talk to. Wait!! I can blog and dump it all out there for the world to see, to smell, to touch and get all dirty with my garbage. awh, handing it off to the rest of mankind to revel in.Yes! that is what i will do, but first i have to sort the laundry, clean the kitchen, take the kids to the park, and go pick up my medication. By then, i will not need to blog and you all will be left hanging there, wondering..............
Gee, that is not very nice. I will have to think of something...........hmnmmm, I am sure I can conjur up some thing mellow dramatic and colorful to blog about, maybe it will be real AND then, maybe it won't. ;)
That is all.........for now.
Information~ maybe, just maybe, this will get your attention.
By Bonnie Erbe, Thomas Jefferson Street blog
If you can’t persuade them for the right reasons, then scare them with the facts.
A new paper in the journal Food & Chemical Toxicology shows how dangerous American horse meat is for human consumption.
Americans should stop selling horses for slaughter abroad because we love our horses and do not treat them as livestock. That’s the right reason to stop this incredibly cruel practice. Still, millions of greedy horse owners and breeders send horses off to slaughter because it’s more remunerative than not breeding at all or even having them euthanized.
But according to this new paper, humans who consume horse meat (most often overseas and especially in France, Italy, Japan and Belgium) are at risk for being poisoned by Phenylbutazone or “bute.” It’s a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug originally developed for treating severe cases of arthritis, but it was later found to…
The paper’s authors call it a “significant health hazard” for people to consume horse meat. I hope this information is highly promulgated throughout horse-consuming societies in Europe and Asia.
No Matter how you Cut It, Horse Slaughter Kills both Horses AND Humans
If you can’t persuade them for the right reasons, then scare them with the facts.
A new paper in the journal Food & Chemical Toxicology shows how dangerous American horse meat is for human consumption.
Americans should stop selling horses for slaughter abroad because we love our horses and do not treat them as livestock. That’s the right reason to stop this incredibly cruel practice. Still, millions of greedy horse owners and breeders send horses off to slaughter because it’s more remunerative than not breeding at all or even having them euthanized.
But according to this new paper, humans who consume horse meat (most often overseas and especially in France, Italy, Japan and Belgium) are at risk for being poisoned by Phenylbutazone or “bute.” It’s a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug originally developed for treating severe cases of arthritis, but it was later found to…
“cause serious and lethal idiosyncratic adverse effects in humans. Sixty-seven million pounds of horsemeat derived from American horses were sent abroad for human consumption last year. Horses are not raised as food animals in the United States and, mechanisms to ensure the removal of horses treated with banned substances from the food chain are inadequate at best.”Bute is still routinely used not just at the thoroughbred racetrack, which is what the authors of this paper studied, but also by horse owners nationwide to mitigate pain for all sorts of horse injuries. Horses do not have the same lethal reaction to bute that humans can display, although long-term use of bute for horses can create ulcers and other organ damage.
The paper’s authors call it a “significant health hazard” for people to consume horse meat. I hope this information is highly promulgated throughout horse-consuming societies in Europe and Asia.
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