It has been a very long time..................
I have not wrote anything for so long. I have not even looked at this blog for almost a year. I was in school for "Journalism" the last time I wrote anything, and I was feeling pretty good about it. But then, I experienced a couple really bad instructors and then I learned that the online college I was attending was a scam. All or some of my credits may not be transferable. :(
I have dropped myself from that college. Partly because my husband was diagnosed with cancer and I needed to take a break to care give and also I just needed a break. Since i started the break, I looked into college certificate programs at our local community college. They now offer a certificate program for veterinary technicians. That is what I had originally wanted to do, but there were no programs close enough for me to attend. Now there is and I will be enrolling as soon as I have the time and my husband is through with his treatments...................should be about spring term. :)
Life has been really crazy and there is a lot to say. I will be back when I have a little more time to sit down and write. I am glad to have the few readers I have . Thanks for listening.
my dream
Monday, December 3, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Hey Life aint so bad right now.
Hey Life aint so bad right now.
Can I please place another order? I want no conflicts, quiet time to myself, at least eight full hours of sleep a night, clear skin, no pain, both physically and mentally...oh, and no expectations placed on me. ?
Wait, I have to pay for all that? Why can't I just have it, why cant you just give it to me? I just ordered it!
Damn it! I thought this was take out, TAKE out! There is no give in take!!
I am really lucky. It seems to take a few catastrophes and bumps, maybe a few big road blocks, for me to see how good I really have it. Life is good, it really aint so bad. (I realize that aint is not a word, I like it though, and i am gonna use it.)
Can I please place another order? I want no conflicts, quiet time to myself, at least eight full hours of sleep a night, clear skin, no pain, both physically and mentally...oh, and no expectations placed on me. ?
Wait, I have to pay for all that? Why can't I just have it, why cant you just give it to me? I just ordered it!
Damn it! I thought this was take out, TAKE out! There is no give in take!!
I am really lucky. It seems to take a few catastrophes and bumps, maybe a few big road blocks, for me to see how good I really have it. Life is good, it really aint so bad. (I realize that aint is not a word, I like it though, and i am gonna use it.)
Monday, January 2, 2012
Something Between Us.
There is something between us. Something I feel.
There is something between us, we can not move forward or go backward.
The something between us was not there and now it is, it will not move.
There is something broken now, and it can not be mended.
How did we get here, how did this happen.
I thought we were strong, I thought we could not be broken.
The bond was so strong , or so i believed.
There is something between us that can not be fixed.
There is something between us. Something I feel.
There is something between us, we can not move forward or go backward.
The something between us was not there and now it is, it will not move.
There is something broken now, and it can not be mended.
How did we get here, how did this happen.
I thought we were strong, I thought we could not be broken.
The bond was so strong , or so i believed.
There is something between us that can not be fixed.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Gifts, recognised, thank you!
Today is the first day that I have felt like I have the time to sit and think, much less, write.
I woke up early this morning, about 4:15. My alarm does not go off until 5:45 am, giving me time to make a pot of coffee and organize my thoughts, the best i can, before getting the kids up at 6:00 am.
So, I got up, started the coffee and quiet as a mouse, my youngest peers around the corner of the cabinet in the kitchen. "Hi mom." comes a quiet little voice. "Good morning Honey", I reply, "it is very early for you to be up." She doesn't care how early it is, she just wants to be up with Mom and have Mom all to herself. :)
I grabbed my cup, pored my self some coffee, added my usual blend of cream and way too much sugar and headed for the front door. As I was walking to the front door, I started asking for some calm in my life this morning; some guidance towards what I need to do and how I need to do it, to bring some serenity to my life. My life right now is filled with term oil and I feel like I can't shake the anxiety....even with medication, it has a grip on me. As I reach the front door, I realized that I had just been begging God for help. Where is my higher power? Why am I dealing with this crap all alone? My horses are not even consoling me these last few weeks. I need some help!
I open the door, quiet hits me in the face, like a soft, cool breeze.........right in front of me stands two deer. A Doe and her fawn. They are quietly and peacefully eating the leaves off the half dried wildflowers in my garden (weed garden, to be honest). It was the most beautiful and calming picture. I quickly said "Thank you. " and sat quietly down to drink my coffee.
I do believe that I ask all of the time, for guidance, for help, and I never feel like I receive it. But I am starting to realize that it has always been there, but that I had allowed my pain, anger and anxiety to consume me, and shut the door on any chance of recognizing the gifts that my higher power offered to me when i asked for it. He, ( it, her...whatever you may feel comfortable calling the higher power) gives me the gift of intuition, and his grace, every time I have asked, I just get in the way of seeing it. I look for concrete proofs, and that just is not how they are given. I have to remember that it is a feeling, deep inside the heart. It is not a medal sign that appears in front of me, instead, it is subtle small gifts, like the deer eating peacefully at my door as I walk out to watch the sun rise. And that is the way I feel it!
I woke up early this morning, about 4:15. My alarm does not go off until 5:45 am, giving me time to make a pot of coffee and organize my thoughts, the best i can, before getting the kids up at 6:00 am.
So, I got up, started the coffee and quiet as a mouse, my youngest peers around the corner of the cabinet in the kitchen. "Hi mom." comes a quiet little voice. "Good morning Honey", I reply, "it is very early for you to be up." She doesn't care how early it is, she just wants to be up with Mom and have Mom all to herself. :)
I grabbed my cup, pored my self some coffee, added my usual blend of cream and way too much sugar and headed for the front door. As I was walking to the front door, I started asking for some calm in my life this morning; some guidance towards what I need to do and how I need to do it, to bring some serenity to my life. My life right now is filled with term oil and I feel like I can't shake the anxiety....even with medication, it has a grip on me. As I reach the front door, I realized that I had just been begging God for help. Where is my higher power? Why am I dealing with this crap all alone? My horses are not even consoling me these last few weeks. I need some help!
I open the door, quiet hits me in the face, like a soft, cool breeze.........right in front of me stands two deer. A Doe and her fawn. They are quietly and peacefully eating the leaves off the half dried wildflowers in my garden (weed garden, to be honest). It was the most beautiful and calming picture. I quickly said "Thank you. " and sat quietly down to drink my coffee.
I do believe that I ask all of the time, for guidance, for help, and I never feel like I receive it. But I am starting to realize that it has always been there, but that I had allowed my pain, anger and anxiety to consume me, and shut the door on any chance of recognizing the gifts that my higher power offered to me when i asked for it. He, ( it, her...whatever you may feel comfortable calling the higher power) gives me the gift of intuition, and his grace, every time I have asked, I just get in the way of seeing it. I look for concrete proofs, and that just is not how they are given. I have to remember that it is a feeling, deep inside the heart. It is not a medal sign that appears in front of me, instead, it is subtle small gifts, like the deer eating peacefully at my door as I walk out to watch the sun rise. And that is the way I feel it!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Blogging, school (on-line) , life, etc. etc...............geesh!
I AM TIRED. I am confused, I am being mellow dramatic, I feel ignored, thworthed,(SP?) and somewhat left behind.
I found myself this morning, thinking about my Mother, which is nothing new, she was always the one who kept me focused. even when she was not physically there. I was feeling like I needed to talk with some one. I was going through a mental list of confidants, in my head of who I could share my latest angst with. My husband was not one, because he just spent the last week with me and I am sure he got his months worth of my rants and raves. He is always a great sport about listening and allowing me my time to revel in my despair, but I am careful to not over burden him with my own baggage as he carries his own and rarely puts it down to breath. So there I was, thinking to myself, "I will talk to Mom about this, oh wait! I can not! She died almost eight years ago!" Oh woe is me, more crap to add to my own despair.
So, there I sit, no body to talk to. Wait!! I can blog and dump it all out there for the world to see, to smell, to touch and get all dirty with my garbage. awh, handing it off to the rest of mankind to revel in.Yes! that is what i will do, but first i have to sort the laundry, clean the kitchen, take the kids to the park, and go pick up my medication. By then, i will not need to blog and you all will be left hanging there, wondering..............
Gee, that is not very nice. I will have to think of something...........hmnmmm, I am sure I can conjur up some thing mellow dramatic and colorful to blog about, maybe it will be real AND then, maybe it won't. ;)
That is all.........for now.
I found myself this morning, thinking about my Mother, which is nothing new, she was always the one who kept me focused. even when she was not physically there. I was feeling like I needed to talk with some one. I was going through a mental list of confidants, in my head of who I could share my latest angst with. My husband was not one, because he just spent the last week with me and I am sure he got his months worth of my rants and raves. He is always a great sport about listening and allowing me my time to revel in my despair, but I am careful to not over burden him with my own baggage as he carries his own and rarely puts it down to breath. So there I was, thinking to myself, "I will talk to Mom about this, oh wait! I can not! She died almost eight years ago!" Oh woe is me, more crap to add to my own despair.
So, there I sit, no body to talk to. Wait!! I can blog and dump it all out there for the world to see, to smell, to touch and get all dirty with my garbage. awh, handing it off to the rest of mankind to revel in.Yes! that is what i will do, but first i have to sort the laundry, clean the kitchen, take the kids to the park, and go pick up my medication. By then, i will not need to blog and you all will be left hanging there, wondering..............
Gee, that is not very nice. I will have to think of something...........hmnmmm, I am sure I can conjur up some thing mellow dramatic and colorful to blog about, maybe it will be real AND then, maybe it won't. ;)
That is all.........for now.
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